im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish you could order shots online.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
