There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
