i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
