R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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