Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
