im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
