Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
