The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
