He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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