I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
