What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
