You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so let's talk penis.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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