I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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