i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
