It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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