I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
