remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
