Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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