Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
