dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
