Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
