i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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