dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
