We need to rekindle our bromance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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