Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Never underestimate the power of titties
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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