Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
