By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
