pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
tell me about the eggs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
