Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
