People in love make me want to vomit
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
