i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
