I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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