mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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