I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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