Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
