Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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