when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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