apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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