I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
