If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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