Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
