Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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