No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
