why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk is not a location!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
