I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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