I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
