I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
