I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
