Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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