Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
