I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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