Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
