There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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